Working out scares the shit out of me. The workout itself doesn't scare me as much as the decision to workout. When you're overweight, it is a visible weakness apparent to others. Others categorize your weight as your handicap; it is the exception to your greatness. "He's handsome but he's a big dude" or "She's cute but she has a gut"....and we all know the guts don't get STUCK (that was ADHD in real time...iDigress).
Ok, so you decide to workout. You muster up the courage to actually do it, and let's face it, you've always wanted to be a track star or master athlete. In your mind, you're gonna kill it in kickboxing today. You pack your best "hold the girls down" sports bra. All you have to do is make it to the gym. The work day is zooming along and all of a sudden you start thinking about all those times you had great workout ambition only to feel like the gym class dunce. Or that one time you lost X amount of weight by actually working out and eating well ...then you gained it all back. (Kickboxing starts at 6pm and the clocks says 5:45p). You head over to the gym anyway...this time will be different. Then you see them. The power ranger white girls who have been aware of their weight since 2 years old. They had personal trainers since they were 5 and were doing the Insanity workout by the time they were 10. They are lean, mean, workout machines. Now, here you are, in your homemade workout gear looking like the end result of childhood obesity. They look at you, you look at them. You could make a run for it but, alas, you decide to stay (Good for you!).
Class begins. Jumping jacks to start. Are their ankles hurting like your ankles are hurting? Are they as tired from these warm-up jumping jacks as you are? The mirror. Is your ass really that big? Fifteen minutes into class and this isn't going the way it went in your mind. You're 30 minutes in...can you stick it out for another 30? Its the first day right...you tried. You walk out. Now you really feel like a fucking failure. You're not that tired you just weren't about all that jumping around. What do they call it again? Oh, yes, Cardio....the shit that takes the fat off. You get over yourself and decide to try again the next time they offer the class...until you get home, undress, and see your gut and get depressed all over again.
The unfortunate cycle of workout motivation and defeat continues.
