I'm ready now

Alright... I'm ready to write again. My hiatus was necessary because I had to take some time for living and reflecting so my eyes would open once again. A few topics for consideration:

1. LCS-For much of 2007, God blessed me with the opportunity to love and be "in-love" with someone. This man is so eccentric, intelligent, compassionate, truthful, sweet, and ...wonderful. In short, nothing lasts forever... I learned so much from him. I learned how to pick my battles and be upfront about my needs in a relationship without regard to whether or not it makes the other uncomfortable. I learned how to truly like the person you're attracted to. I love what he is about. The scary part is that he saw me: my spirit, my heart, my imperfections. He made me want to have dinner ready whenever he was going to be around. Fresh squeezed lemonade and gourmet-julienned onion rings as an appetizer... dinner being me. He made me think of the possibility of babies looking like us and wonder what it would be like if we functioned as a team through this life...and while I wait for time to tell its story, I'll always love him.

2. New Beginnings- As I consider those who are leaving my immediate world, I wipe tears away with joy in my heart because I'm excited about living. I look forward to, as Russell Simmons would say, "Doing ME". For so long my life's decisions have been impacted by my family, friends, loved ones, etc. I live alone for a while and do my own thing. I guess that statement is oxymoronic because I've been living on my own for a while but I have never felt like I owned myself. I feel as if I own myself now and I'm excited at the prospect of taking control over the course of my life.


3. LLN- I've been blessed to share space with a wonderful woman on her way to accomplish great things. The value of this chick is that she has the most simplistic and reasonable perspective on life and living... just live it. Don't add more to it... but don't water it down either. I love her sincerity and patience. i'm glad we evolved to true friends.

4. Career moves- As much as I have been pseudo-preparing for law school...I'm considering a PhD program. I enjoy academia, stimulating minds, innovative thought and as much "flexibility" is offered by the JD, I just don't see it allowing me to do the aforementioned. Any thoughts?


5. Religion/Spirituality- I'm on a quest. I have to know God. More than the doctrine of church, I need to know this Jesus person and his role in the earth. I believe beyond worship it is his teaching we human people often overlook and assume because we "call upon the name of " and/or "thank" him it means we don't have to live what he admonished. Above this, it is also imperative that I become a better student of the word of God. Is God to be called "yahweh" or "yeshua"? I want to know. I do not believe God would have his people ignorant and answers are around...I just need to find them. I can't continue to be the pew warmer that can be tossed by the wind when challenged. I want a foundation of knowledge to drive my faith.

Everyone has different tactics for dealing with stress and adversity. Some talk to everyone who will listen until they receive unnumerable opinions which only result in them doing what they wanted to do in the first place. Others keep things to themselves and function like drones of productivity until resolution comes or they run out of their own strength. Today I ran out of my own strength and when I reached for the strength of my spirit... my cup was empty. I pour out of my cup for everyone. when my mother needs me, I am there. when a student needs me, I am there beyond the call of duty. when my friends need me, I am an ear. One day in particular I called a friend in between my own tears and her crisis became first priority although I was in the midst of my own. Maybe thats what it means to have friends...who knows. What I do know is that in my hour of need the seats in my community theatre are empty. No one is available for my show. I'm not a selfish person by any means, however, it would be nice for someone to be there. I don't know if I'm upset that no one made themselves available to be my ear or that perhaps I've allowed people have crowded my space so much that I forgot to feed my spirit. Being busy and consuming myself with day to day affairs has stolen something far more valuable from me... my spirit. While my spirit isn't dead by any means... its panting like a holocaust survivor on rescuing day. The bad part is... I can't digest any kind of food. I need new food for a new day and time. I need people around that live off of the same supply...those that I can count on to uplift me with a word of encouragement when I need it. All spiritual leeches and misguided souls can exit stage left.

Thanks
-Theatre mgmt